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The original Who’s On First showed the comic genius of Abbott and Costello, and nothing can ever top that version.
That being said, the Star Trek version with Kirk, Spock, McKoy, and Scotty is still a lot of fun to read.
Posted by Amy as Popular Culture, Television & Movies, Humour at 1:40 AM EDT
Politics Explained. Here are two examples:
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
Check out this link: some more cute cat photos and clever captions.
Via A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance.
Steven Wright: The Undisputed King of Random Humour: a six minute video.
I love Steven Wright. Here’s a link to his official website.
Posted by Amy as Humour, Cartoons & Comics at 1:26 AM EDT
The Canonical List of Bumper Stickers.
A few samples:
• Hello, officer. Put it on my tab.
• I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance?
• If you don’t like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers!
• Don’t drink water, fish breed in it.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 1:04 AM EDT
Meme Cats: Lots of photos of cats, almost all with (humorous) captions.
Via MetaFilter.
The comic genius Victor Borge and the world-renowned coloratura Marilyn Mulvey team up to present a wonderful sketch. Here’s Part 1 and here’s Part 2.
Top 5 SciFi Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors: I vote for Klingon Ridge Ripple.
Via SF Signal.
Posted by Amy as Popular Culture, Television & Movies, Humour at 1:12 AM EDT
Along with a lot of other North Americans, I first discovered Hugh Laurie in the critically acclaimed series House.
Now I’ve had a chance to see some of his work with Stephen Fry, and it’s a delight. How can one man be so talented?
Here are a few samples for you to look at:
• Very Upset: he manages to make me laugh a great deal on a subject that I wouldn’t normally find funny at all
• Mystery and America: two quick sketches that show his talent at the piano
• Too Long Johnny: a wonderful blues parody
If you’re only familiar with Laurie’s work on House, it would be good to know that in real life he’s British and speaks with an English accent; he assumes an American accent for the character of House.
Via Centre Of The Universe (sort of).
Posted by Amy as Humour at 4:31 AM EDT
Mark Brownlow has had too much time to goof around; the result is If Ancient Rome Had The Internet.
Here are a few samples:
• The destruction of Pompeii in 79AD is the most viewed video at YouTube. The first comment is…”OMG so cool! Volcanos ROCK!”
• The soothsayer’s “Ides of March” email fails to get Caesar’s proper attention as it’s inadvertently filtered into his junk folder.
• The domain gladiator.rome sells for the record sum of 1,000,000 denarii.
An entertaining way to start the day.
Via A Sweet, Familiar Dissonance.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 1:51 AM EDT
If you’re in the mood for some silliness, check out Angry Alien Productions: 30-Second Bunnies Theatre.
In it, some classic movies are boiled down to 30 seconds—and re-enacted by animated bunnies.
Here are a few of my favourites:
• Casablanca
• The Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Star Wars (especially the outtakes!)
I haven’t seen Borat, but I’ve heard enough about it to appreciate the spoof of it as well.
Via SF Signal
Posted by Amy as Television & Movies, Humour at 1:26 AM EDT
If you’re not a country and western music fan (and maybe even if you are), you might enjoy the 25 Best Country Songs Titles of All Time.
Here are a few of the titles listed:
• “If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me”
• “She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles”
• “You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat”
I don’t listen to enough country music to know if these are genuine, although the webpage says they are.
New York Times writer John Tierney wrote an article the other day about humour. He started it out by telling what he thought was a completely unfunny joke about two muffins.
He was shocked to discover that some of his readers thought it was funny, and he spent his next column trying to figure out why.
I was helped in my reaction by Ed Willett’s funny intro to the whole matter. I read the joke and actually did laugh, but then I called my husband in to the room and read him the joke. Suddenly, when I read it out loud, it seemed much funnier. I started laughing so hard I was gasping for breath with tears rolling down my face.
Now, I’ve just spent two weeks working frantically to meet some grant-writing deadlines, so maybe at this point anything looks funny. At least my husband’s reaction was more along the line of what John Tierney expected—he wordlessly patted me on the shoulder and left the room.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 1:18 AM EDT
Rita Rudner is a comedian whose standup act I always enjoy watching.
I’ve just found a representative sample of her work on the Internet. It’s called Rita Rudner’s 50 Facts About Men and I can just hear her gentle voice delivering these lines.
Here are a few of them:
• Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
• Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
• Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
If you’d like to know more about Rita Rudner, check out her official website.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 7:55 AM EDT
Not everyone is impressed with Valentine’s Day, and there’s now a great website out there to help people out with that: Be My Anti-Valentine.
The site says it all:
Stick two fingers (or one, if you’re that way culturally inclined) at any organisation with a vested interest which prescribes how and when to show your feelings. This year, don’t say it with flowers: say it with bile.
How to do this? Choose one of the anti-Valentine cards and send it to whomever. Here are a sampling of the messages:
• I love you blah blah blah hearts & flowers yadda yadda yadda kisses, cupid, etc.
• Oh, is there something special about today? I hadn’t noticed.
• Uprooted overpriced plantlife and fat-saturated caffeine and sugar blocks? You shouldn’t have.
They’re free, but you’re invited to make a PayPal donation to help with costs.
Posted by Amy as Popular Culture, Humour, Holidays at 5:27 AM EST
TopFive Science Fiction has yet another great list up: The Top 10 Shows Hosted By SF Actors We’d Like to Forget.
Here are some of my favourites from the list:
• The Patrick Stewart Needlework Hour: Make it Sew
• R2 D2’s Celebrity Dance Party
• Michael Dorn’s family recipes take center stage on “G’agh Eats”
I like the number 1 suggestion, too, but I won’t spoil it for you—you’ll have more fun if you read the whole list.
Via SF Signal.
Posted by Amy as Popular Culture, Television & Movies, Humour at 1:09 AM EST
You know how certain things in your life are about as exciting as watching grass grow?
Well, just in case you don’t have a dull enough life, you can experience this phenomenon by going to this webcam to watch the grass grow (currently it’s in the regenerative cycle).
No grass was injured in the making of this webcast.
Via tawny grammar.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 8:52 AM EST
I found a site that’s good for a smile: Weird State Laws
Here are some laws that are apparently on the books in various states in the U.S.:
• If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM. (Georgia)
• It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing. (Louisiana)
• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. (North Dakota)
• While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. (New York)
• Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (Hawaii)
Well, now we know.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 1:12 AM EST
Well, this is fun: The Top 9 Things Overheard at the SF Holiday Party.
Here are a few of them:
• “When I retire from Starfleet, I’m thinking of becoming a lawyer. Or maybe a game show host!”
• “Greetings. I am the Emergency Holiday Hologram System. Please state the nature of the Yuletide emergency.”
• “Have you seen Rudolph? He’s totally high on spice!”
Definitely check the rest of them out.
Via SF Signal.
Posted by Amy as Popular Culture, Humour, Holidays at 7:10 AM EST
A mondegreen is a phrase that has been misheard and as a result mis-spoken the next time it’s used. Often the twisted version becomes common.
The word was coined from the the mishearing of a sentence from a folk song. The original sentence was “and laid him on the green” (with “green” meaning “grass”). It was understood to be “Lady Mondegreen.”
There are many wonderful examples of mondegreens, but I thought we’d rejoice in some seasonal ones. See if you can identify the original songs from the following inventive lyrics:
• Olive, the other reindeer
• You’ll go down in Listerine
• We three kinds of porridge and tar…
• On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me…
• With the jelly toast proclaim…
• Noel, Noel, Barney ís the king of Israel…
• He’s making a list, of chicken and rice…
• Later on, we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire…
• Sleep in heavenly peas…
• You’ll tell Carol, Be a skunk I require…
• Come foggy faithful
• Good tidings we bring, to you and your kid…
• Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay..
• In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is sparse and brown…
Once again, I don’t know who wrote this, but if you do, please let me know–I’d love to give that person credit.
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o’-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows NT 5
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in SUV tires with Glade “holiday scents” in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31
New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country
Every year as Christmas gets closer, I bore my friends and family by sending around this little piece I found on the Internet several years ago.
I don’t know who originally wrote it, but if you did, please get in touch with me so I can give you credit.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with ferrets, I can assure you that this is a very good description of what it’s like to try to work when they’re up and about.
*****
It’s Christmas. I need to decorate the house. Ok, simple ’nuff task. Silly me. I forgot about the Eight Spirits of Chaos with Fur. Here’s how my day has gone so far.
Open storage room door to look for Christmas lights.
Spend 15 minutes pulling ferrets out of various boxes.
Locate box of Christmas lights.
Locate ferret hanging from light.
Toss ferrets out of storage room, slam door shut.
Realize there is no doorknob on inside of storeage room.
Spend 20 minute prying hinges off door.
Drag out Christmas lights.
Replace hinges.
Remove ferrets from assorted boxes and bags.
Shut door to storage room.
Bring Christmas lights into living room, dump on floor.
Find 2 ferrets the lights were dumped on.
Hand out raisins in effort of have 4 minutes of peace.
Begin sorting lights.
Begin cursing at the idiot who put lights away without separating them.
Stop cursing upon remembering *I* was the idiot who put the lights away.
Notice string of lights making a break for the bedroom.
Grab lights, reel in two ferrets.
Notice 3 ferrets chewing merrily on lights.
Gather up lights, pile on chair.
Begin untangling one set of lights.
Shake two ferrets out of pant legs, pick one off of top of chair, remove two from speakers, wonder where other 3 are.
Notice another string of lights making a break for the bedroom.
Reel in missing 3 ferrets.
Untangle one string of lights.
Being taping lights to the window (No staples allowed).
Have ferret grab free end of lights and race around you in circles.
Fall on face, pull taped lights off window.
Fall prey to eight ferrets while helpless on floor.
Untangle feet from lights.
Untangle 4 ferrets from lights.
Untape 2 from lights.
Gather up lights, throw them in garbage.
Gather up ferrets, throw them in cages.
Grab large bottle of wine.
Run hot bath.
BAH HUMBUG!
Here’s a spoof on the earnest articles such as “100 Uses For Vinegar”: 2000 Uses For Peanut Butter . . . And Then Some.
This site is entirely tongue-in-cheek. Not all the attempts at humour are funny, but quite a few of them are.
Here are a few I like:
• “make Cream of Peanut Butter Soup”
• “Mix it with a large amount of brown sugar. Form into small spheres. Set on cookie sheet and leave on counter as if cooling.”
• “Two words: eye shadow.”
• “Knock on it for good luck if there is no wood around.”
Kids, definitely don’t try most of these at home.
Via Weblog V2.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 7:20 AM EST
Alan Silverstein has compiled a fun list of phrases: the Canonical List of Fulldeckisms.
As he explains it, this is “a compendium of insults and ‘not all there’ comments from various sources.”
Here are a few choice examples:
• “and Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load.”
• “a mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost.” — Tom Waits
• back burners not fully operating
• cheats when filling out opinion polls
• one Brady short of a Bunch
I’ve always like the phrase “one sandwich short of a picnic.”
Posted by Amy as Humour at 1:41 AM EDT
Did you hear about the cow who swallowed a bottle of ink?
It mooed indigo.
Via Gary Hyland.
Sam Barer, of the blog Sam Barer’s Four-Wheel Drift, has had a little fun with advertising slogans for automobiles. He’s created a list of Honest Automotive Taglines.
Here are some of my favourites:
• Audi: because all the people you hate drive BMWs
• Chevrolet: the best vehicles that cost-cutting can create
• Kia: you get what you pay for
• Saab: quirky cars for quirky people
Via Hassenpfeffer.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 2:44 AM EDT
Defective Yeti imagines an interaction with a bank machine with attitude.
The machine’s questions range from “Not a prob. How much you lookin’ to get?” to “Aw, c’mon man, I’m just bustin’ your balls a little. You got a stick up your ass or sumthin’?”
I’m rooting for the machine.
Via Defective Yeti.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 6:18 AM EDT
If you’d like a little humour to brighten your day, check out Ian Frazier’s Old Testament Parenting: Laws of Forbidden Places.
Here’s a sample:
And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.
You don’t have to belong to the Judeo-Christian tradition to appreciate this.
Via Books, Inq.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 6:57 AM EDT
Well, here’s a good spoof site to check out: the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Bobby Henderson got tired of U.S. schools teaching creationism (aka Intelligent Design) as science. In his words,
I don’t have a problem with religion. What I have a problem with is religion posing as science. Teach creationism in school, fine, but DON’T teach it in a science classroom. Science = the study of repeatable, observable, natural phenomena. Accepting a supernatural explanation is a cop-out. It’s faith, NOT science.
As a result, he sent letters to those schools teaching creationism:
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Read the rest of his letter on his home page, and check out all the rest of his great site too.
One of the more popular sections is his Hate Mail blog. It’s both funny and sad.
Via In The Middle.
Posted by Amy as Humour, Religion & Spirituality at 5:23 AM EDT
Well, this is fun: the Pseudo-Elizabethan Name Generator.
This generator is subtitled “The Suburban Subdivision Placename Generator,” and the suggestions they create are pretty apt parodies.
Maybe we’ll give our house a name. The trouble is, there are so many wonderful possibilities to choose from just in the first page of names: Peasewynne, Ulversgate, Featherbottle, or Cunningcleak.
I like Thrushwalk, even though there are no thrushes to be seen in our neighbourhood.
This would be a great site to find a name for a new blog!
Via Paperback Writer.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 2:04 AM EDT
As tantrums are something I normally associate with children in grocery stores, it never occurred to me that they could be an imaginative adult pastime, but Ariana French seems to think otherwise.
Check out her tongue-in-cheek Tips On Improving Your Tantrum Style.
I was particularly struck by tips 1 and 4.
Posted by Amy as Humour at 7:52 AM EDT